Monday, February 21, 2011

Dear Anonymous:

Dear Anonymous,

Over the past two days, I've been debating on whether or not to respond to you and your comments at all. In reality, it doesn't matter what you think about my situation or the choices my family makes, but I just want you to know that I feel it was a pretty cowardly thing to do. At least own up to your comments if you are going to make them.

My husband and I are making choices that we feel are best for our family. It doesn't mean that I don't struggle with things that happen in my life or wish that things might be a little different. The fact is that I was willing to put them out there and acknowledge that's how I felt. My blog has always been a place that I could find support when we were going through the toughest time of our lives. I will not let you ruin that for me.

I'm assuming that I don't know you. And, if I do, I'm sorry that you didn't feel our relationship was strong enough that you could talk to me personally about how you felt after reading my posts.

Since I can't have this conversation with you, I guess this blog post will have to suffice. So, here are a few of your comments and my responses.

"She doesn't love your little boy like you do! That should not surprise you!"

Nope, this doesn't surprise me at all. I don't expect her to love him like I do. It doesn't mean that she shouldn't (or doesn't) care about him enough to want to celebrate his birthday or attend his party. There were plenty of people there who don't love him like my husband and I do. (and, plenty that see him A LOT less than her)

"Remember you are his mom - she is the baby sitter...she it the one you have chosen to raise your child (she spends way more waking hours with him that you do during the week) 

Yes, you are right - she spends more hours with him than I do. However, I have to disagree that I have chosen her to "raise" my child. Yes, she has a huge role in his child-rearing, but ultimately, my husband and I will be making choices for him that have a lasting impression. I expect her to work with us in handling tough situations if/when they arise and follow our lead in raising him.

"Odd you trust her enough with your son all day, but not enough to speak truth to her!"

I'm not sure what trust has to do with the other things I referred to in my post. As I mentioned, the feelings I was having are NOT deal breakers. My sitter takes very good care of my son when I cannot be there, and I appreciate her more than you know.

"You are giving up so much by working. Re-read your post, it is all about you. You have a little one now who will never be 1 again or two again. It is so important to have his mom there with him. You have no idea what you are missing and you won't until it is too late! Wow - so you would rather stay in your house than raise your little boy on your own with your values. Don't kid yourself - two or three hours a day with your child does not equate to raising him. Who ever is spending the majority of his waking hours ( because the time you spend at home with him while he is sleeping really does not count ) is raising him and I know for a fact whoever that is does not love him near as much as you. I would live in a condo before I gave up those precious years with my baby!!!"

Thanks. You sure know how to make someone feel good about themselves when they are already feeling like they don't get enough time with their child. Maybe you didn't realize that we spent 5 long years trying to have our little boy. We love him more than anything on this earth. Yes, the post is about me. It's my blog and my feelings. Since I can't tell you what Drake is feeling (which by the way, I'm sure he is just fine), it's the only way I can communicate on the blog. By working, I am able to provide more for him than I could if I wasn't working. Besides, if I had a burning desire to stay home with him all day long, you better believe that I would make it happen, but I don't. (By the way, I love how you mention a condo in your post. Apparently, condos in your area are fairly inexpensive because they cost about the same as my house here!)

17 comments:

Allison said...

Very well put! I ended up having to screen all my comments before they were posted on the blog because of idiots like that that don't have the guts to even put their name to their comment. I think you are a GREAT mother and you make the right decisions for your family! Blogs are our place to vent, not to be judged by 'anonymous' strangers.

Mommy & Daddy said...

How rude...and this persons child will grow up and be in prision. I personally think you are doing what is right for Drake!! Great Job!

twondra said...

You go girl. :) I think you're doing a wonderful job! It's hard not to let anonymous comments bother you, isn't it? I had an 'anonymous' reader mail a letter to my house with horrible comments. I just think they are jealous of you and want to see you hurt. So glad you're not letting it bother you. You're an awesome mother!!

Shelly said...

You are a bigger person than me....Not so sure I could have been this kind in my response!

You are a terrific person and wonderful Mommy!

Erin said...

Ugh . . . people are something else sometimes. I think you rock :)

lynettew55 said...

Obviously, anonymous is unable to teach his/her child manners since they have failed to learn them themselves. If you don't have something nice to say, then don't say nothing at all! Being a stay at home mom is not for everyone. At least the people who understand that about themselves are able to admit it. Something that anonymous could learn from other people. Good luck to you anonymous I am sure that you are as perfect as a parent as you set out to be!

Michelle said...

That last comment was not from lynette it was from Michelle. See how hard was that???

katery said...

oh jesus, how stupid. some people enjoy spending time with their kids AND working, my mom worked full time and i turned out just fine. not only did i turn out just fine, but i'm pretty god damn proud that she got her phd and became a prefessor at a local university the same year that i was born. this person sounds as though they are probably pretty young, it's usually the young ones that are so judgemental. brush it off amber, she's a stupid bitch.

Jamie said...

This is just insane. You are obviously an amazing Mom and Drake is going to be just fine. I think some people put way too much stock in the values of SAHMotherhood.

Good for you for responding so eloquently. :)

Tonya said...

Holy Cow Amber that is a lot of drama! You could always not allow anonymous comments. You don't need that troll leaving comments anyway. I think you are doing a great job with Drake. I can't wait to see you in a few weeks :)

Ashley said...

Oh my goodness!! People have some NERVE!! Very well said honey!! ((HUGS))

Phillips Family said...

I stumbled upon your blog today and I can't believe someone would leave those mean comments. There are just some people out there who need to bring others down in order to validate their own choices in life. I am a working mom too, and I have had the same concerns you mentioned in a previous post. I am sure if I was a SAHM I would have a whole new list of concerns....damned if you do...damned if you don't.

Flack Family said...

Wow...that last comment totally socked it to all working mom's. I think I am going to go cry myself to sleep now!!!!!

Stephanie said...

Amber,
I can't believe people today! Shame on that person for thinking that their opinions matter to anyone but themselves! Especially when they are pointless! She is Not in your situation so she has no idea what she is talking about! The choice to stay home is irrelevant in my opinion as to whether you are a good parent or not. You and your husband have chosen what is best for your family and that is all that matters! FORGET this "Anonymous" because that is all this person is some shady Hippocrate who probably doesn't have children or is angry in her own choices! To ALL those working moms out there... My mom worked my entire life and I turned out just fine I am sure you are all AMAZING mothers and do the best you can for the children you have been blessed with. You definately don't love them any less if you work . I have worked and I have stayed home I chose what was best for me and my family. So SHAME ON YOU ANONYMOUS!

J said...

Why does everyone assume that anonymous is a female?
And to Amber your babysitter does not care enough to attend Drake's B-day party or she would have been there - I wonder what else she was doing that day - do you know? I do.

Shelly said...

Sounds like J or Anonymous (or one in the same) is the babysitter! Pretty sad!

thenewbushfamilyblog said...

Wow J, if you have such a strong opinion why in the world are you still anonymous. Seriously are you a child? I hope to God that you are not her babysitter, but regardless who you are, stop coming and taunting my friend and....GROW UP!